Of surfboards and honey.

Posted by seazar

There are times when I’m really on top of life. Not that I have everything together, just that I’m happy, content, satisfied with where I am, what I’m doing, who I’m surrounded by and most importantly, me. Like I’m harnessing the power of life, it’s a rush but it’s also peace. It’s like I’m riding a wave, I’m traveling with it, we’re doing great things together. During those times I look at myself and truly see myself, and it makes me proud. It makes me stop and nod in recognition and say, Shirin, you’re a dope person, you’re really rocking it, and I’m happy to be you.

Then sometimes, life just stops caring that I feel like bffs with it, and it decides to happen to me. It trips me up in my strut and turns my world upside down. The wave suddenly rises up and crashes down on me, and I’m tossed around, I swallow water, I know that I know how to swim and yet I’m drowning anyway. There’s no recognition anymore. Only helplessness, uncertainty and frustration at not being able to deal and to be strong.

When I lived in Colorado I rode the wave like I never had before. I loved myself, I loved my body, I felt confident in my body, I felt like I was in charge of my happiness. I could do anything, I knew I had worth with complete certainty and faith. For the first time, I allowed myself to be who I was and I owned it. I rode the wave, and I felt powerful, in balance, I felt good. And then my board was pulled from under me, a storm began brewing and a shark probably chewed up my board because I couldn’t damn see it anywhere anymore. Too much happened at once. It felt ridiculous, like an animated film in which from one second to the next the sunny, gentle scenery turns into a damn battlefield of rain, wind, darkness and broken twigs. Dramatic, I know.

I should probably cool it with the surfing analogies, I’ve never surfed before, but it seems to express what’s been going through me recently. It’s frustrating to know you’re strong and yet you feel so weak. To know you are an inspiring and enriching person, yet you feel like a burden, out of place and like you make yourself unlovable. I’m not unlovable. And that’s why I’m writing this post.

It’s a love letter to myself, it’s a collection of relics that build me up. They hold bits of what makes me glorious and powerful and proud, so I can open them up and remember. This post is a project of self-love and self-recognition outside of my head.

Even though I struggle to embody all of my power and potential at this moment, I want to remind myself that the self-recognition I’ve gained, the acceptance I have found toward who I am, the confidence with which I’ve come to carry myself, that they are still there.

I need my own respect, my own faith, my own vote, my own cheers, my own forgiveness, first and foremost.

I want to remind myself that I am worth it. I am worth someone’s time and love, I am worth their dedication. I want to lather myself in honey and remind myself that I am a queen in my own right.

It’s important to know that the things I want are valid. That the kind of life I want, the kind of love I want, they are justified and right for me. It doesn’t matter that they might not be right for someone else – all it means is that this someone might not be right for me.

It’s okay to struggle, to not be strong – which is not the same as being weak – and to not be able to hold myself for a moment. But I need to know that I’m not small and that no one has the right to make me feel so, or the power.

Even now, when things are hard, I don’t want myself to forget who I am inside and that I was happy and confident and that I can be so again. I can get back on another wave, and I will.

I absolutely deserve the best.

 

I absolutely deserve the best.

 

Comments

  1. Beautiful blog, I love the polaroid style pictures
    creatife and a joy to read, looks like you get a lot of pleasure out of travelling
    inspirational quotes full of heartwarming cuteness, bold and brave to show some artistic nudity
    hope this blog gets you far!

    1. I also spelled creative wrong cuz I tend not to reread

  7. Rani

    Hi there,

    I need to promote the above videos on your website. Let me know your quote for the same. Please watch the videos and see it is okay for you to add the same on your site.

    https://youtu.be/-qJWb-Vtbhs
    https://youtu.be/wveq63n0ZBk
    https://youtu.be/k4Ud_OQJtwE
    https://youtu.be/sZSd5EJdcSY
    https://youtu.be/tHRu7Ch8IvA
    https://youtu.be/2hVi2Kl5ej0
    https://youtu.be/QI6ey9ra3kY
    https://youtu.be/scBf5QrC9Ew
    https://youtu.be/dS8x6xhmOkQ
    https://youtu.be/uPWB6yx0cbU
    https://youtu.be/MHZobDxdpuM

    Thanks,
    https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXP3bY7BbMt1pXK0tPp8G4Q

  12. รับโปรโมทเว็บไซต์ บริการ รับทำ seo สำหรับใครที่มี Website หรือ Fanpage แล้วอยากทำให้เว็บไซต์ของตัวเองติดอันดับผลการค้นหาบน Google หน้า 1 หรือ Top 10

  59. You choose peace or war?

  64. Sam

    Thank you for some other magnificent post. Where else could anyone get that kind of info in such an ideal approach of
    writing? I’ve a presentation subsequent week,
    and I’m at the search for such information.

  66. It’s an amazing piece of writing in favor of all the internet people; they will
    get benefit from it I am sure.

  67. Great delivery. Sound arguments. Keep up the amazing work.

  68. It’s awesome for me to have a website, which is helpful in support of
    my knowledge. thanks admin

  74. First off I would like to say terrific blog!
    I had a quick question in which I’d like to ask if you do not mind.

    I was curious to know how you center yourself and clear your head before writing.
    I have had a difficult time clearing my thoughts in getting my thoughts out there.
    I do enjoy writing but it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are wasted just trying to figure out how to begin. Any recommendations or tips?
    Thank you!

  75. I love what you guys tend to be up too. This kind of clever work and reporting!
    Keep up the superb works guys I’ve incorporated you guys to blogroll.

  81. Lacy

    When someone writes an post he/she keeps the idea
    of a user in his/her brain that how a user can understand it.
    Therefore that’s why this article is great. Thanks!

  83. I am really happy to read this web site posts which includes lots of valuable data, thanks
    for providing such information.

  85. It’s awesome to go to see this site and reading the views of all friends regarding this paragraph, while I am also keen of getting familiarity.

  86. I constantly spent my half an hour to read this blog’s articles every
    day along with a mug of coffee.

  87. Thankfulness to my father who told me concerning this web
    site, this webpage is truly remarkable.

  89. Hurrah! After all I got a weblog from where I know how to genuinely get valuable facts concerning my study and knowledge.

  90. Hello, this weekend is nice designed for me, as this point in time i
    am reading this great informative post here at my house.

  104. twDvBsMfYzhpuLjI

  152. If some one desires to be updated with latest technologies afterward he must be visit this site and
    be up to date every day.

  153. It’s difficult to find knowledgeable people in this particular topic, but you seem like you know what you’re talking about!
    Thanks

  154. I have read so many posts about the blogger lovers however
    this paragraph is genuinely a pleasant paragraph, keep it up.

  155. Remarkable issues here. I am very satisfied to see your article.

    Thanks so much and I am taking a look forward to touch you.
    Will you please drop me a mail?

  171. Some really excellent content on this website , thanks for contribution. Hugh Seeberger

  172. Whoa, whoa, get out the way with that good information. Reed Bein

  174. Muchos Gracias for your blog article. Much thanks again. Much obliged. Elliott Curella

  175. Honestly, your blog is really good, keep it up! I will continue to bookmark your site for emergencies

  176. Right away I am going away to do my breakfast, afterward having my breakfast coming again to read further news. Ken Guevana

  177. There is certainly a great deal to know about this issue. Adolfo Coufal

  179. Amazing! Its really amazing article, I have got much clear idea regarding from this article. Napoleon Chiong

  180. Say, you got a nice blog post. Really looking forward to read more. Keep writing. Sterling Schuermann

  181. Major thanks for the blog. Thanks Again. Want more. Hank Dyba

  182. Well I truly enjoyed reading it. This tip provided by you is very helpful for proper planning. Bret Gerardi

  183. We came across a cool internet site that you just might love. Take a appear in the event you want. Ezra Chima

  184. Pretty! This has been a really wonderful article. Many thanks for supplying this information. Emmitt Sharrai

  186. Thank you ever so for you article. Much thanks again. Awesome. Damon Robertson

  187. Someone shared this site with me, so I came to check it out. I like this information very much. Great blog and great design and style. |

  188. Все расписано достаточно подробно. Массу приятных ощущений для меня постоянно приносит игра в поинт лото онлайн

  192. This design is wicked! You certainly know how to keep a reader entertained. Renato Chetram

  193. There is definately a lot to learn about this topic. I like all of the points you have made. Noah Sebastion

  194. I do believe all of the concepts you have offered to your post. Lupe Ferretti

  195. This is such a great idea! I should have done this instead of buying planters. Omar Johengen

  197. Thank you for posting this article without reservation, very well written page

  198. Çok yararlı bi yazı olmuş hocam teşekkür ederim .Sizin yazılarınızı beğenerek okuyorum elinize sağlık.

  199. hocam gayet açıklayıcı bir yazı olmuş elinize emeğinize sağlık.

  200. I like the efforts you have put in this, regards for all the great content.

  204. This blog is really interesting and you are a very skilled blogger. And look forward to finding more of your great posts.

  208. สล็อต ทดลองเล่น พร้อมอัพเดทเกมใหม่ทุกๆวัน เกมปัจจุบันของค่าย PG SLOT สล็อตออนไลน์ ได้เก็บมาไว้อยู่ที่นี้ให้ทุกคนได้ทดลองเล่นแล้ว แตกง่าย มาแรงอันดับ1เว็บเรา พีจีสล็อต

  210. orjinal biber hapı ile kısa sürede ideal kilonuza ulaaşabilirsiniz.

  212. Long living the peace

  213. The information shared is of top quality which has to get appreciated at all levels. Well done…

  214. accrediting buy stromectol canada handyman reactions to
    stromectol harvey risch hydroxychloroquine – at 210 how many mg
    of stromectol do i take [url=http://hydroxychloroquine.pro/#]hydroxychloroquine india[/url] dfdf stromectol dose for crusted scabies

  215. spinix เกมสล็อต รวมทั้งคาสิโนออนไลน์มาใหม่ มาแรงที่สุด พีจี ที่เก็บค่ายเกมดังต่างๆไว้ตรงนี้ในแอพเดียวครบจบเลยทั้งยังแจกเพชรฟรีสามารถแลกเปลี่ยนเป็นเครดิต ถอนได้อีกด้วย

  219. The information shared is of top quality which has to get appreciated at all levels. Well done…

  221. thanks for posting. i am glad to read such a beautiful post like this

  224. Pornografik Film Önerileri: Romance (1999) IMDb: 7,
    4. En iyi pornografik filmler listemizin ilk sırasında
    Romance var. Catherine Breillat tarafından yazılan ve yönetilen Fransız yapımı Romance, 1999 yılında vizyona
    girdi. Klasikleşmiş bir erotik film önerisi arıyorsanız
    Romance filmini değerlendirebilirsiniz.

  225. Yaşlı Adam çıtır hizmetçisini sikiyor ve içine boşalıyor — Sürpriz Porno Hd
    Türk sex sikiş. Kocam evde yok, beni ikna edebilirsen hemen sikebilirsin.
    505. hemen cepten tıkla ara. Sitema Modu. Adım Zeliha,
    Geceleri telefon ile konuşuyorum, gündüz de görüşme
    yapıyorum. Hemen ara ve amımın tadına sende bak.

  229. A secret weapon for anyone who needs content. I dont need to tell you how important it is to optimize every step in your SEO pipeline. But unfortunately, its nearly impossible to cut out time or money when it comes to getting good content. At least thats what I thought until I came across Article Forge. Built by a team of AI researchers from Stanford, MIT, Carnegie Mellon, Harvard, Article Forge is an AI content writer that uses deep learning models to research, plan out, and write entire articles about any topic with the click of a button. Their team trained AI models on millions of articles to teach Article Forge how to draw connections between topics so that each article it writes is relevant, interesting and useful. All their hard work means you just enter a few keywords and Article Forge will write a complete article from scratch making sure every thought flows naturally into the next, resulting in readable, high quality, and unique content. Put simply, this is a secret weapon for anyone who needs content. I get how impossible that sounds so you need to see how Article Forge writes a complete article with the Click Here:???? https://stanford.io/3FXszd0

  231. Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful post with us.

  233. Nice i really enjoyed reading your blogs. Keep on posting. Thanks

  234. JENNA JAMESON. Son dönemin en ünlü ve en çok kazanan porno yıldızlarından biri Jenna Jameson. Madam
    Tussaut Müzesi’nde mumya heykeli bile konulan Jameson her ne kadar artık.

  235. With almost everything that seems to be building throughout this specific subject matter, all your viewpoints are rather stimulating. Nonetheless, I appologize, because I do not subscribe to your whole idea, all be it refreshing none the less. It seems to everyone that your remarks are generally not completely validated and in simple fact you are your self not even entirely convinced of your argument. In any event I did enjoy reading it.

  236. Dicyclomine comes as a capsule, a tablet, and a
    syrup to take by mouth. It is usually taken 4 times a day.
    To help you remember to take dicyclomine, take it around the same times.

  237. Dicyclomine may be used to treat muscle spasms in the stomach or bowel.
    Dicyclomine relaxes muscle spasms by a direct effect on smooth muscle and also indirectly by blocking the actions of acetylcholine, a neurotransmitter.
    Acetylcholine has muscle-activating effects. Dicyclomine belongs to the class of drugs known as anticholinergics.

  238. Yumurtalama günü yaklaşık olarak, kaç günde bir adet görüyorsanız o
    gün sayısından 14 çıkararak hesaplanabilir. Örneğin, 28 gün aralıkla
    adet gören bir kadın için yumurtlama günü 28 14 = 14 (Adetinin 14.
    günüdür). Hamilelik ihtimalinin en yüksek olduğu zamanlar yumurtlama tarihinden 3 gün önceden 2 gün sonraya.

  240. Fantastic post but I was wanting to know if you could write a litte more on this subject?
    I’d be very thankful if you could elaborate a little bit more.

    Cheers!

    Look into my web blog :: tracfone coupon

  241. Artificial intelligence creates content for the site, no worse than a copywriter, you can also use it to write articles. 100% uniqueness, scheduled posting to your WordPress :). Click Here:???? https://stanford.io/3FXszd0

  244. Artificial intelligence creates content for the site, no worse than a copywriter, you can also use it to write articles. 100% uniqueness, scheduled posting to your WordPress :). Click Here:???? https://stanford.io/3FXszd0

  248. ทางเข้าเล่น pg slot ความเพลิดเพลินที่การพนันที่น่าประทับใจที่สุด พีจี คัดสรรเกมประสิทธิภาพมาให้เลือกเล่นแบบที่กำได้เกินคาดหมายเว็บไซต์ลู่ทางเว็บไซต์ตรง ทำเงินได้ไม่สะดุด

Comments are closed.