Colour in my mind.

It’s hot, so hot I spent all day half naked at the lake shore, occasionally taking a dip in the muddy water. I come home, order pizza, grab a beer and ponder about which party to visit later – today is party day, everywhere.

While ordering pizza I saw an email in my Mail program. I also saw who it was from and I felt… excited in a strange way. Like I knew it would be good, once I read it.

I finish my beer. My room mate heads in the shower. Then I read the long email.

Quite recently I sent a long letter myself to someone I care for so much it drives me insane somedays. I never received a reply. Reading this email I pick up on feelings I put in my own letter. But this one is beautiful, it doesn’t hurt as much. It makes me feel very light and happy. It reflects my thoughts and it feels delicate. Like if I could take it in my hands I would cherish it and carefully place it on a shelf. Much in a way others would treat a beautiful rare shell they found.

These sort of letters I sent out and rarely receive, and when I do I feel like the sun outside is not burning me up anymore. I feel like it is reigniting a little light that I should take much more care of.

To make this email even more precious there is music in there. Music by an artist who I know and very much appreciate. I sit here listening to one of the songs he mentioned. I have my head phones on. They guide the beautiful guitar strums right to my ears. That’s why I started this blogpost. Because when the song started everything else vanished. All I feel is the breeze. It swifts right into our trap that we built by opening all windows and doors. It lost its way in here and plays with my hair while trying to escape this maze of rooms. They are untidy in part, undecorated in the other part.

Then harmonies fill my head. I don’t see, I don’t feel hot. I forget the pizza I ordered. I feel light and equally heavy. The music streams through me. The guitar is a beautiful, powerful and gentle instrument. So perfectly manipulated in this song. I feel emotional. Very emotional. Maybe because of the letter, or because my headphones are such beautiful transmitters of these sounds. Mainly though I think it’s because I am proud.
I have no reason to be. I barely know this man. I know little about where he came from, not of his personal growth. To me it feels like he came such a long way. It could be me not having seen his full potential. It could be me being proud of what I created through his inspiration. It could be me simply feeling so grateful to know a person who is thoughtful, talented and inspiring.

I tell you this, because this music is opening my heart right now. I tell you this, because I feel touched by someone I haven’t seen in over a year or spoken to in half of it. Distance and time are nothing. Not to me. You are wonderful. If I don’t talk to you, that’s nothing. I care for you.
So many of my friends live so very far away and I need them to know, I need you to know if you read this, that I care. However magnificent it is, there is no long letter needed. Just say hi and I will smile and I will be grateful you thought of me. I hope that when I don’t send you a long letter you will still know I love you either way. Because that’s what I do.

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